也无风雨也无情 (Without Tribulation, Without Bright Skies)
王梅云
台湾
(English Translation continued below after Chinese Original)
对家境窘迫的孩子来说,升学是一场奢侈的梦,早早投入就业市场,才是现实。小学还没毕业,我就到工厂上班,从来不觉得苦也不喊累,只为自己牢纪轻轻就能够帮忙家计,感到自豪。
在工厂里,结识同样刻苦的男子,长我四岁,兴趣相近,哪个少女不怀春?很快地,我们从同事升格为恋人,1967年,我20岁,嫁为人妇,与丈夫齐心打造属于自己的家。
为了美好的将来,年轻夫妻携手打拼,相偎相依,日子过得甜蜜。1969年中秋节,台风来袭,我们照往例回高雄凤山公婆家团圆,用餐前,外子带我造访亲戚,看看他从小生长的地方,返家途中,来到王生明桥前方,下起毛毛雨,刮起一阵风,车子突然熄火,怎么也发不动。
外子用力踩油门踏板,试了好几次,引擎喽喽作响,终于启动,我们不敢大意,立即上车。风一阵一阵地刮着,雨势忽大忽小,紧紧抱着坐在前方的外子,期盼赶快到家。眼看就要到大桥末端,瞬间,刮起大风,桥墩上的一根电线杆轰然倒下,倏地砸落在外子的头部,摩托车坍倒,我们两人摔落地面。
不知过了多久,我从黑暗中醒来,只见外子倒卧在旁,头部鲜血直流,昕不见我的声声呼唤。那一刻,风凄凄狂吼,雨水打在身上,拥抱着一生挚爱,孤独等待救援,寒意彻骨。
医院的急诊室,人来人往,医生说我有轻微脑震荡,必须留院观察,“我还好,我先生的情况怎么样?”我心急如焚,问着。
医生神色凝重,艰难开口:“他,他来到医院已经没有呼吸,急救无效,宣告不治。”
医生的话在耳边回荡,忽近忽远,飘飘渺渺。刚刚我才抱着他,我们才要回家吃饭的,怎么可能!
仅仅一个怔忡的时间,我的世界全都变了,甜蜜幸福流走了,拥有的一切在刹那间失去了。
一场意外,恩爱夫妻,就此天人永隔。
结缘妙法、奋战不懈
丧偶,是人生至恸,但是,身为一岁半孩子的母亲,我没有颓丧的权利,安慰白发人送黑发人的公婆,照顾幼儿,全赖我一人扛起这不可承受之重,不得不打起精神母兼父职,母子二人隅隅走向未完的人生旅程。
办完丧事,回到工厂上班,往昔两人同行,如今孤单上路,哀伤难忍。孩子一天天长大,经济的压力日渐沉重,但由于学历太低,我只能靠劳力赚钱,不敢奢想。
70年代,政府倡导终生学习,积极推动成人教育,在各地成立附设补校,让不识字或辍学的人们接受教育。在朋友的鼓励下,我开始读夜校,下班后匆匆返家,将儿子托给四姐照顾,再赶往学校。尽管忙碌,却一点也不感到疲惫,学习的快乐冲淡了生活的苦闷,心情愉悦。
因此,我从中学,一路读到了成大附工,学会建筑制图,总算有了一技之长。这时,十大建设如火如荼展开,经济起飞,还没毕业,侄子便介绍我到一家建筑事务所当制图员。一天,同事介绍我认识一位从事高速公路的土木工程老板,接下排水沟制图与监工工作。一年多后,老板鼓励我承包他的下游工程。
于是,请来大侄子与高工同学帮忙,负责冈山段到嘉义段工程。隔行如隔山,进了这一行方知土木工程困难重重,撇开天候不良因素,马达、模板经常被偷,成本大增。
1979年,高速公路通车后,工程告一段落,二侄子邀我到台北开设两家皮鞋店。不料,日日门可罗雀,入不敷出,最后关门大吉,将批来的货运回台商摆地摊。
两年后,我接下恒春的道路工程。由于人力单薄,我的心力几乎都花在监工上,某天因盲肠炎住院一个月,出院后,愕然发现水泥遭员工偷卖,买进的砂石一台记成两台,从中牟利。
遭到背叛,不仅多年的心血付之一炬,更且债台高筑,我堕入了无比煎熬的炼狱,苦恼、伤心又无助,人海茫茫,找不到一丝的依靠。飘荡之际,朋友秀富告知妙法,但陷于黑暗之中的我,难以自拔,无心接触。
1984年,与久违的周妈妈相遇,她耐心地听我倾诉痛楚,鼓励我不能放弃希望,“只要信奉日莲大圣人佛法,没有过不去的难关,唱题吧!”慈爱的眼神,坚定的话语,仿佛一道阳光射进心扉,一片光明。
透过唱题、学习佛法,也与前辈恳谈,终于下定决心,结束经营11年多的工程公司,重新出发。为了偿债,我带着儿子离开故乡,来到工作机会繁多的台北都会。
那段期间,送儿子上学后,到市场卖养乐多,接着做清洁工作,晚上到十分察工厂当烫衣工,只要有钱赚就去哪儿做事。然台北居大不易,为了节省租金,几乎每两个月就搬一次家,异常艰辛。
在这冷淡而动荡的环境中,益发感受到创价家族的温暖,无论落脚何处,总有学会员可以依靠,为我唱题,昕我倾诉,鼓励着我,陪伴着我,信心的基础在慈爱关怀中一点一滴地建立。
“安置御本尊,才能有安稳的生活。”地区妇人部长这么说着。因此,1986年,我安置了御本尊,在茫然的人海中,我有了真正的依归,飘零的心逐渐安定。
翌年,年迈的双亲健康欠佳,不愿承受“子欲养而亲不在”的悔恨,我决定回乡照顾,同时下定决意,一人立起,创造实证。
回到台南,我积极投入地区活动,努力折伏。尽管生活依然艰困,内心却无比欢喜,只要工作结束,唱题、学会活动和家访就成了我生活中最重要的事,一年后,我所在的永康组会员数从8户扩增到12户,每周三都有人到我家唱题,朗朗题目声,仿如幸福之钟,音声回荡。
1988年1月26日,高龄80的爸爸跌跤,情况不乐观。佛法说父母恩是最大的报恩,即使医学有极限,我也要在最极限中找到希望的出口,一遍遍的真挚题目,祈求再祈求。在此,由衷感谢台南区会员们的题目支援,爸爸的病情曰渐好转。
爸爸出院后,领受到御本尊的功德,开始唱题。由于腿断了三节,爸爸无法行走,又不肯复健,长期躺在床上,引发摄护腺肿大,必须插管导尿。透过真心祈求,爸爸可以自行排尿,不再受导尿之音。9月,爸爸安详告别人世。
由于妈妈罹患老人失智症,无法控制手部的运动神经,为此她曰曰唱题祈念,短短一周,手部竟然不再抖动,连医生都感到不可思议。翌年10月,妈妈带着微笑辞世。爸妈生前为人和善,临终前接触妙法,以“生也欢喜,死也欢喜”的成佛相貌,完成今生的使命,无言折伏了许多亲人。
阴霸笼罩,千山独行
这些年来,工作、创业、偿债,母兼父职带着儿子益钦长年奔波,看他牙牙学语、摇摇晃晃踏出人生的第一步,背着书包上学,服役、退伍,岁月就在不经意的指缝中流逝。因为工作疲累,失去耐性,我常常用责备来装饰对孩子的爱,曾有一段时间与叛逆的儿子针锋相对。
前辈看在眼里,说:“父母、子女都有着牢不可分的眷属妙,要为彼此的幸福真心祈求。”我将儿子视为自己的所有物,动辄斥责,将相依为命的濡沫之情磨得淡薄,旁观者清,说得我惭愧难当,决心改变自己。
一念为善,一切随之改变,我尊重儿子,他回以敬重,个性日趋成熟,陪着我一起在市场卖衣服,参与学会活动。1997年,进入而立之年的益钦,与结识多年的女友订下年底的婚期,我喜不自胜。
为了成家,益钦认真工作,一天跑了三个市场卖衣服。6月23日,周一上午,原本因没摊位而休息,我已经约好家访。没想到有个摊位老板打来电话,表示他想把摊位让给我们。于是,我与益钦商量,我先看店,10点时,他来接班,我到部员家拜访。
10点钟了,仍不见益钦踪影,眼看约好的时间就要到了,便托隔壁摊位老板看着,匆匆离去。中午时分,回到摊位,还是没看到儿子,心里感到奇怪,滴咕着:“他从来不会这样放着摊子不顾的,到底怎么了?”
拿起手机正想打电话给益钦,铃声却响了,昕得熟识的会员说着:“梅云,快点回家吧!”莫名的不安涌上心头,随即向家的方向奔驰而去。
一进家门,很多会员聚在客厅,神色凝重,“益钦发生车祸,我们陪你到医院。”
有人扶着我的臂膀前往医院。
抵达医院,益钦躺在白色的病床上,炯炯有神的眼睛紧紧阎上,平曰笑口常开的嘴唇闭着,头部有道伤口,血迹斑斑。他们说,益钦赶着到市场,摩托车骑了快一些,一不留意,被货车撞上,碾过胸口,拖行10公尺,送医不治。
我的世界在这瞬间,颓然瓦解,梦魔再现,紧紧抱着儿子的身子,想把温暖给了他,却只能感到阵阵寒意,好冷,好冷!
我以为,自己可以看着儿子结婚,过几年含饴弄孙,牵着小小的手参加未来部。没想到,竟是一场空,跪坐佛坛前,发出的,却是一声声悲鸣,手然一身,空空荡荡。
回顾人生路,荆棘遍布,每一步都是淌血地疼,痛,真的好痛啊!但是,我不曾怀疑妙法,三世的生命秘藏着未知痕迹,是我的宿命太过深沉,即使努力修行,也还有不足之处。一遍又一遍地拜读御书,看着池田先生对于生死的解说,空无的心逐渐落实。
“死亡是为了获取迈向新生活力的充电期间,就像‘睡眠’一样,因此以佛的境界入睡的话,也会作为佛而出生。所以,往生者的三世旅程没有值得忧虑和叹息的事,这就是所谓‘生也满怀希望’‘死也满怀希望’。他们很快便会重获新的生命,出生在我们的身边。”
“一切诸佛来集灵山净土,或亲手、或摩顶、或抱、或喜,如月之始出,如花之初开,受得何等之爱怜耶?”(御书1658页) 过世儿女的生命会与大宇宙的佛界冥合,受到一切诸佛的守护和慈爱。因此,家人必须坚强地、明朗地、勇敢地生存到底,获得幸福。这样才能证明故人的成佛,并能够将喜悦的波动传到故人的生命里。”
是啊!既然剩我一人,就要连同丈夫和儿子的份,一起好好地活着,往后再相聚,方能自豪地说: “我这一生没有后悔”含着泪,收起哀伤,将儿子用命换来的保险金,购置讲堂(台商永康讲堂),让更多的人,更多的青年后继代替益钦,献身广布。
为广布奋斗,功德满盈,地区的青年部称我“陈妈妈”,学生部喊我“陈奶奶”,他们亲近我、照顾我,可说儿孙满堂,每天忙得欢喜,哪有时间哀叹孤苦零丁?
这个世界有太多苦难,让人疲惫不堪,然而,在推心刺骨的疼痛中,依然还有值得我们追寻的理想与价值,放开心胸,大步前进,终会发现自己的人生,其实,也无风雨也无睛。
[宇宙 2010年10月]
Without Tribulation, Without Bright Skies
Wang Mei Yun
Taiwan
For a child born in a distressed family, to be schooled was a lavish dream, and to enter the workforce early in life was then considered practical. Without even completing primary school, I worked in a factory with no sense of pity and fatigue, as I was filled with pride that I was able to support the family expenses even at a young age.
Working in the factory, I became acquainted to boys of similar circumstances. He was 4 years older than me, and we had things in common. Which girl at my age then would not be infatuated? Very quickly, we become an item. In the year 1967, I married him at the age of 20, and began to build a family of our own.
For the sake of a beautiful future, a young couple like us worked assiduously hand-in-hand and supported each other. Life was blissful then. During the Mid-Autumn Festival of the year 1969, regardless of typhoon, we continued our journey to gather at our in-law’s house in Phoenix Mountain, Kaohsiung. Before the meal, my husband brought me to visit his relatives and the places where he grew up from. In the returning leg of this trip, we came to the Wang Shen Ming bridge, with light rain and a gust of wind. At this moment, our motorcycle’s engine halted suddenly and could not be started again.
My husband stepped hard onto the accelerator and tried to start the engine a few more times. After a few cranks, the car engine was finally re-engaged. Without taking further risk, we boarded the motorcycle immediately, and with the wind blowing in gust and the rain falling upon us in small and big torrents, I grabbed my husband who was sitting in front of me tightly, wishing that we could rush back to home soon. Right at the moment where we were reaching the end of the bridge, a gust of strong wind blew and a telephone pole broke and fell onto us. The telephone pole hit the head of my husband, and both of us felt off our motorcycle.
Not knowing how long I passed out, I woke up seeing my husband lying beside me, his head bleeding profusely, completely without any reaction to my calling. At that moment, the wind was howling so strongly, and the rain beat heavily upon me. I hugged on to the love of my life, waiting alone for rescue with an intense feeling of biting chill.
In the emergency ward of the hospital, it was buzzling with many people and activities. The doctor told me that I had slight brain concussion and was required to be warded for further observation. Feeling very anxious, I asked the doctor, “I am fine. What about my husband?”
The doctor’s expression turned dire and spoke heavily, “He… He was not breathing when he reached the hospital. We could not save him and he was pronounced dead.”
These words from the doctor went back and forth in my mind, feeling shocked and surreal. He was just in my arms, and we were just about to return home for our meal. How was this possible!
In a moment of palpitation, my entire world had changed. The sweet sense of happiness was gone, what I had all these while, lost in that moment.
In this accident, a loving couple of husband and wife were separated forever.
Encountering the Mystic Law, An All-Out, Relentless Fight
To lose one’s life companion was indeed a tremendous grief in life, but as a mother of a child who was barely one and half years old, I did not have the rights to dwell in my sorrows. Consoling my aged in-laws, taking care of the young, all these heavy burdens were lapped on my shoulders. I had no choice but to pick myself up and to take on the responsibility of a father in the family, and moved on with whatever life ahead with my young child.
After settling the funeral, it was lonely feeling, hardly bearable down the usual route to work in the factory where we used to go together. As our child grew up, the financial burden increased and due to my own lack of education, I would not dare to harbor any ideals except that of sloughing in manual works just to make ends’ meet.
In the 1970s, the government promoted lifelong learning, and encouraged adults to further their education in supplementary schools, whose intention is to allow those deprived or lacking in abilities previously to catch up. Under the encouragement of friends, I started my night classes by rushing home after work and leaving my son with my 4th sister. Even so, I did not felt tired and even felt happy as the joy of learning diluted the gloominess in life.
Due to my studies, I progressed from the level of secondary school to the supplementary school of National Cheng Kung University, and mastered the skill of architectural drawing, a skill set to call my own. At that time, the ten major construction projects proceed briskly and the economy was doing well. Even before graduation, my nephew introduced me to a building company as a draughtsman. One day, my colleagues introduced me to a boss taking charge of civil engineering of expressways, and accepted the job of drainage drawing and workers’ supervisor. One year later, the same boss encouraged me to accept the contract of his projects downstream.
Hence, I enlisted the help of my eldest nephew and my fellow classmate, taking charge of the works from the area of the Okayama segment till Chiayi segment. This part of the work was filled with tremendous challenges from the perspective of civil engineering. In the midst of harsh weather conditions, the motors and templates used in the construction was often stolen, which resulted in a great increase in cost.
In the year 1979 after the opening of the expressway, this project came to a close and my second nephew invited me to start 2 shops selling shoes in Taipei. Unexpectedly, the business was bad and we could not make ends’ meet. Hence we had to close the shoe business and had to sell the remaining goods as a street vendor.
Two years later, I accepted a road project at Heng Chun. Due to the lack of manpower, my energies were focused primarily in the area of supervision, and due to the hectic schedules, I contracted appendicitis and was warded to the hospital for a month. After discharge from the hospital, I was shocked to realize that the cement used in the project was illegally sold, and the stones and sands were bought in half the quantities as stated by the workers. The workers took the profits made from these underhanded activities.
Facing these betrayals, all these years of effort came to naught, and with the huge debt incurred, I dropped into the abyss of great suffering and torment. Feeling depressed and helpless, there was not a single sign of assistance and help amidst the people I knew. In this state of my life, a friend of mine, Xiu Fu, introduced me to Nichiren Daishonin’s Buddhism, but I was overwhelmed by my predicament and could not started practising this Buddhism.
In the year 1984, I met the long-awaited Mrs. Zhou, who was like a mother to me. She listened to my plight patiently and encouraged me not to give up. She said, “As long as you practice this Nichiren Daishonin’s Buddhism, there are no problems that could not be overcome. Please chant!” Her compassionate glance and her words infused with conviction, were liken to the sunlight that shone brightly into my heart in darkness.
Based on chanting daimoku, learning the teachings of Nichiren Daishonin’s Buddhism, and the dialogues I had with my seniors-in-faith, I finally mustered my determination to start afresh all over again by winding up the civil engineering company that I had been running for the past 11 years. In order to repay my financial debts, I left my hometown with my son, and came to Taipei City where job opportunities abound.
During that time, after sending my son to school, I sold Yakult (a probiotic cultured milk drink) in the market, then worked as a cleaner, ironed clothes in factories at night, and worked whenever there were money to make. The living cost in Taipei was high, and in order to save up on the rental, we had to move every 2 months. Life was exceptionally hard at that time.
In this cold and harsh environment, I found warmth and solace in the Soka family. Whenever I had nowhere to turn to, there was always Soka members whom I could rely on. They would chant and pray for me, listened to my plights, encouraged and accompanied me in every step. Because of this, my foundation of faith was slowly deepened in the midst of their warmth and love.
“Only when we enshrine the Gohonzon will we enjoy a stable life.” This was what my Women’s Division district leader told me. Because of this, in the year 1986, I enshrined the Gohonzon, discovering the true place of my devotion and my wandering heart started to settle down.
In the following year, due to the weakening health of my aging parents, I did not want to bear the regrets of not able to fulfil my filial piety and decided to return to my hometown to take care of them. At the same time, I resolved to stand up even alone, and to manifest actual proofs in life.
After returning to Tainan, I exerted fully into my district’s activities and conducted vigorous shakubuku. Even though life was still hard, my inner self was filled with joy. As long as my work for the day was done, chanting, Soka Gakkai’s activities, and homevisits became the most important thing in my life. After a year, the Yong Kang group that I was involved grew from a membership of 8 households to 12 households. Every Wednesday at my place would be chanting sessions where the sound of daimoku reverberates with happiness.
In 26 January 1988, my 80 years old father fell down and things did not look optimistic. Buddhism taught us the greatest debt of gratitude is filial piety. Hence even though medical science would have its limits, I must also find any glimpse of hope at the slightest chance, based on daimoku filled with conviction, praying again and again no matter what. With this, I would like to thank the members in the Tainan districts for their support of daimoku as my father recovered slowly day after day.
After my father was discharged from the hospital, he started to chant daimoku after experiencing the benefit from the Gohonzon. Due to my father’s leg was broken into 3 sections, he was unable to walk and refused to go for physiotherapy. Therefore, after lying down too long on the bed, it resulted in a swollen prostrate which required him to undergo catheterization for his urinals. Through wholehearted prayers, my father was able to urine naturally and do not require catheterization anymore. In September, he passed away peacefully.
Due to my elderly mother who suffered from dementia, she was unable to control her hands’ muscles. Because of this, she chanted every day, and in a short period of a week, her hands’ tremor stopped, even her doctor found it unbelievable. In October the following year, my mum passed away peacefully with a smile on her face. Both my parents had lived a life of peace and compassion, and both encountered Nichiren Daishonin’s Buddhism before their death. In their physical appearance based on the spirit of “happiness in both life and death”, they fulfilled their mission in life, and without saying much, shakubuku-ed many of our relatives in the process.
Shrouded in uncertainty, trekking mountains after mountains alone
In all these years, due to work, starting up my own career, repaying my debts, I brought up my son, Yi Xin playing the role of both a father and a mother single-handedly, amidst tribulations. Watching him learning how to speak, taking his first baby steps to walk in life, carrying his bag to school, going into the army and completing it, time had passed by unknowingly. Due to the fatigue of work and loss of patience, it was frequent for me to use blame to conceal the love of my son and as a result, there were periods of conflict between my rebellious son and me.
My seniors-in-faith said, “There exists many mystical relationship and dependencies between parent and child. Because of this, we must pray for the happiness of one another.” I regarded my son as a personal object, and was frequently accused of taking the relationship between my son and me too lightly. The people around me were more objective than me in my own reality, and therefore I was ashamed of myself and determined to change myself in this area.
Everything changes from the start of an ichinen in the positive direction. I started to respect my son and he reciprocated in return. His character matured as the days passed by, accompanied me to sell clothes in the market, and joined me in Soka Gakkai’s activities. In the year 1997, where my son Yi Xin entered his thirties, he was engaged with his girlfriend whom he knew for many years. I was extremely elated.
In order to get married, Yi Xin became serious in his work, and ran to 3 different markets to sell clothes daily. On the Monday afternoon of 23 June, I had already arranged a home-visit as my stall was closed for rest that day. Then an owner of the stall suddenly called me to tell me that he had the intention of passing the stall to us. Hence, I discussed with Yi Xin that I would go to attend the stall and he would come over at 10am to take over the stall so that I could proceed with the home-visit.
At 10am, Yi Xin was nowhere to be found, and knowing that time was near, I entrusted my stall to the owner of the stall to look after and left quickly. During noon, I returned to the stall but never saw my son. Feeling strange, I asked myself, “He has never left the stall unattended like this. What could have happened?”
At the moment that I was just about to call Yi Xin, the phone rang. The familiar voice of a Soka Gakkai member said, “Mei Yun, come home quickly!” Without a moment’s respite, I dashed home immediately.
Once I step into my house, there were many members seated in the living room looking in dismay, “Yi Xin has got into an accident. Let us accompany you to the hospital.”
Someone held on to my shoulders, accompanying me to the hospital.
Reaching the hospital, Yi Xin was lying on a white bed, with his usually spirited eyes closed tightly, his usual smile absent with lips closed, a wound on his head, covered with blood. According to the people there, they said he was rushing to the market on his motorbike and in a moment of carelessness, he was knocked down by a van, ran over his chest, dragged on the road for 10 meters and was sent to the hospital in this state.
In that moment, my entire world seemed to collapse and the demon of my life seemed to appear. I held my son tightly to give him warmth, but what I could felt was tremors of hopelessness. How cold it was!
I always thought I would see my son in wedding soon, and a few years later, my grandchild would be born and I would hold his little hands to Future Division’s meeting. Never would I have thought that it was gone. I knelt in front of the butsudan and cried in pain and emptiness.
Reflecting my own life, it was such a tumultuous path. Every step was filled with pain and suffering. How painful it was! But I have never doubted the Mystic Law. In the depth of my 3 existences of past, present and future, there must be unknown secrets and untold scalds of mine, to the extent that I have such a destiny and fate. So deep are these destinies that even though I am assiduously practicing now, there would still be areas of insufficiencies, I thought to myself. After reading the Gosho again and again, and reading SGI President Ikeda’s explanation of life and death, the empty heart of mine starts to become more at ease.
“Death is likened to sleeping, a period of recharging towards a new and vibrant life and existence. Therefore if one enters sleep in the state of Buddhahood, one will be born again in the state of Buddhahood. Hence, the deceased in this journey of the 3 existences of past, present and future will never feel anxiety or regret. This is what is known as “in living, filled with hope” “in death, filled with hope”. They will quickly receive a new life, and be born around us again.”
“… all the Buddhas have surely gathered about him in the pure land of Eagle Peak, seating him on their palms, putting his head, embracing him, and rejoicing, welcoming him with affection as one would welcome a moon that has just risen, or blossoms that have just burst into bloom.” (Gosho “Reply to the Mother of Ueno”, The Writings of Nichiren Daishonin Volume 1, Soka Gakkai, page 1075.) Our deceased children will be in the same universal rhythm of Buddhahood, and receive the protection and compassion of all the Buddhas in the universe. Therefore, the family members left behind must be strong, positive and courageous to continue their lives and attain happiness. Only this could we prove the enlightenment of our deceased, and be able to transmit this rhythm of happiness to the lives of our deceased.
Yes! Even if it was left only me alone, for the sake of my husband and son, I must continue to live on positively, so that I could proudly declare the day we met, “I have lived a life with no regrets”. Swallowing my tears and keeping away my sorrows, I used the insurance claims which my son exchanged with his life to donate towards Taiwan Yong Kang Auditorium, so that more youths of the future could dedicate their lives towards kosen-rufu on the behalf of Yi Xin.
Because of the spirit to fight for kosen-rufu and the great benefit thereafter, the youth in the district addressed me “Mother Chen”, and the students’ division members addressed me as “Grandma Chen”. They are close to me and take care of me. Everyday I was filled with joy, so where could I possibly find time to whine in sorrow and loneliness?
There are many types of suffering in this world which caused people to be extremely tired and lethargic. However, in this midst of these piercing pain and suffering, there are still many ideals and values worth chasing, open our hearts, advance boldly and ultimately realize that in our lives, there were no moments of tribulations or bright skies.
(Cosmic, Oct 2010)
Translation Disclaimer: The original testimonial is in the Chinese Language. It has been translated to the English Language for our readers’ convenience. Reasonable efforts have been made to provide an accurate translation, however the editorial team acknowledged that the translation may not be perfect to the author’s original and seeks our readers understanding. Please note that all guidance and quotes are loosely translated.
王梅云
台湾
(English Translation continued below after Chinese Original)
对家境窘迫的孩子来说,升学是一场奢侈的梦,早早投入就业市场,才是现实。小学还没毕业,我就到工厂上班,从来不觉得苦也不喊累,只为自己牢纪轻轻就能够帮忙家计,感到自豪。
在工厂里,结识同样刻苦的男子,长我四岁,兴趣相近,哪个少女不怀春?很快地,我们从同事升格为恋人,1967年,我20岁,嫁为人妇,与丈夫齐心打造属于自己的家。
为了美好的将来,年轻夫妻携手打拼,相偎相依,日子过得甜蜜。1969年中秋节,台风来袭,我们照往例回高雄凤山公婆家团圆,用餐前,外子带我造访亲戚,看看他从小生长的地方,返家途中,来到王生明桥前方,下起毛毛雨,刮起一阵风,车子突然熄火,怎么也发不动。
外子用力踩油门踏板,试了好几次,引擎喽喽作响,终于启动,我们不敢大意,立即上车。风一阵一阵地刮着,雨势忽大忽小,紧紧抱着坐在前方的外子,期盼赶快到家。眼看就要到大桥末端,瞬间,刮起大风,桥墩上的一根电线杆轰然倒下,倏地砸落在外子的头部,摩托车坍倒,我们两人摔落地面。
不知过了多久,我从黑暗中醒来,只见外子倒卧在旁,头部鲜血直流,昕不见我的声声呼唤。那一刻,风凄凄狂吼,雨水打在身上,拥抱着一生挚爱,孤独等待救援,寒意彻骨。
医院的急诊室,人来人往,医生说我有轻微脑震荡,必须留院观察,“我还好,我先生的情况怎么样?”我心急如焚,问着。
医生神色凝重,艰难开口:“他,他来到医院已经没有呼吸,急救无效,宣告不治。”
医生的话在耳边回荡,忽近忽远,飘飘渺渺。刚刚我才抱着他,我们才要回家吃饭的,怎么可能!
仅仅一个怔忡的时间,我的世界全都变了,甜蜜幸福流走了,拥有的一切在刹那间失去了。
一场意外,恩爱夫妻,就此天人永隔。
结缘妙法、奋战不懈
丧偶,是人生至恸,但是,身为一岁半孩子的母亲,我没有颓丧的权利,安慰白发人送黑发人的公婆,照顾幼儿,全赖我一人扛起这不可承受之重,不得不打起精神母兼父职,母子二人隅隅走向未完的人生旅程。
办完丧事,回到工厂上班,往昔两人同行,如今孤单上路,哀伤难忍。孩子一天天长大,经济的压力日渐沉重,但由于学历太低,我只能靠劳力赚钱,不敢奢想。
70年代,政府倡导终生学习,积极推动成人教育,在各地成立附设补校,让不识字或辍学的人们接受教育。在朋友的鼓励下,我开始读夜校,下班后匆匆返家,将儿子托给四姐照顾,再赶往学校。尽管忙碌,却一点也不感到疲惫,学习的快乐冲淡了生活的苦闷,心情愉悦。
因此,我从中学,一路读到了成大附工,学会建筑制图,总算有了一技之长。这时,十大建设如火如荼展开,经济起飞,还没毕业,侄子便介绍我到一家建筑事务所当制图员。一天,同事介绍我认识一位从事高速公路的土木工程老板,接下排水沟制图与监工工作。一年多后,老板鼓励我承包他的下游工程。
于是,请来大侄子与高工同学帮忙,负责冈山段到嘉义段工程。隔行如隔山,进了这一行方知土木工程困难重重,撇开天候不良因素,马达、模板经常被偷,成本大增。
1979年,高速公路通车后,工程告一段落,二侄子邀我到台北开设两家皮鞋店。不料,日日门可罗雀,入不敷出,最后关门大吉,将批来的货运回台商摆地摊。
两年后,我接下恒春的道路工程。由于人力单薄,我的心力几乎都花在监工上,某天因盲肠炎住院一个月,出院后,愕然发现水泥遭员工偷卖,买进的砂石一台记成两台,从中牟利。
遭到背叛,不仅多年的心血付之一炬,更且债台高筑,我堕入了无比煎熬的炼狱,苦恼、伤心又无助,人海茫茫,找不到一丝的依靠。飘荡之际,朋友秀富告知妙法,但陷于黑暗之中的我,难以自拔,无心接触。
1984年,与久违的周妈妈相遇,她耐心地听我倾诉痛楚,鼓励我不能放弃希望,“只要信奉日莲大圣人佛法,没有过不去的难关,唱题吧!”慈爱的眼神,坚定的话语,仿佛一道阳光射进心扉,一片光明。
透过唱题、学习佛法,也与前辈恳谈,终于下定决心,结束经营11年多的工程公司,重新出发。为了偿债,我带着儿子离开故乡,来到工作机会繁多的台北都会。
那段期间,送儿子上学后,到市场卖养乐多,接着做清洁工作,晚上到十分察工厂当烫衣工,只要有钱赚就去哪儿做事。然台北居大不易,为了节省租金,几乎每两个月就搬一次家,异常艰辛。
在这冷淡而动荡的环境中,益发感受到创价家族的温暖,无论落脚何处,总有学会员可以依靠,为我唱题,昕我倾诉,鼓励着我,陪伴着我,信心的基础在慈爱关怀中一点一滴地建立。
“安置御本尊,才能有安稳的生活。”地区妇人部长这么说着。因此,1986年,我安置了御本尊,在茫然的人海中,我有了真正的依归,飘零的心逐渐安定。
翌年,年迈的双亲健康欠佳,不愿承受“子欲养而亲不在”的悔恨,我决定回乡照顾,同时下定决意,一人立起,创造实证。
回到台南,我积极投入地区活动,努力折伏。尽管生活依然艰困,内心却无比欢喜,只要工作结束,唱题、学会活动和家访就成了我生活中最重要的事,一年后,我所在的永康组会员数从8户扩增到12户,每周三都有人到我家唱题,朗朗题目声,仿如幸福之钟,音声回荡。
1988年1月26日,高龄80的爸爸跌跤,情况不乐观。佛法说父母恩是最大的报恩,即使医学有极限,我也要在最极限中找到希望的出口,一遍遍的真挚题目,祈求再祈求。在此,由衷感谢台南区会员们的题目支援,爸爸的病情曰渐好转。
爸爸出院后,领受到御本尊的功德,开始唱题。由于腿断了三节,爸爸无法行走,又不肯复健,长期躺在床上,引发摄护腺肿大,必须插管导尿。透过真心祈求,爸爸可以自行排尿,不再受导尿之音。9月,爸爸安详告别人世。
由于妈妈罹患老人失智症,无法控制手部的运动神经,为此她曰曰唱题祈念,短短一周,手部竟然不再抖动,连医生都感到不可思议。翌年10月,妈妈带着微笑辞世。爸妈生前为人和善,临终前接触妙法,以“生也欢喜,死也欢喜”的成佛相貌,完成今生的使命,无言折伏了许多亲人。
阴霸笼罩,千山独行
这些年来,工作、创业、偿债,母兼父职带着儿子益钦长年奔波,看他牙牙学语、摇摇晃晃踏出人生的第一步,背着书包上学,服役、退伍,岁月就在不经意的指缝中流逝。因为工作疲累,失去耐性,我常常用责备来装饰对孩子的爱,曾有一段时间与叛逆的儿子针锋相对。
前辈看在眼里,说:“父母、子女都有着牢不可分的眷属妙,要为彼此的幸福真心祈求。”我将儿子视为自己的所有物,动辄斥责,将相依为命的濡沫之情磨得淡薄,旁观者清,说得我惭愧难当,决心改变自己。
一念为善,一切随之改变,我尊重儿子,他回以敬重,个性日趋成熟,陪着我一起在市场卖衣服,参与学会活动。1997年,进入而立之年的益钦,与结识多年的女友订下年底的婚期,我喜不自胜。
为了成家,益钦认真工作,一天跑了三个市场卖衣服。6月23日,周一上午,原本因没摊位而休息,我已经约好家访。没想到有个摊位老板打来电话,表示他想把摊位让给我们。于是,我与益钦商量,我先看店,10点时,他来接班,我到部员家拜访。
10点钟了,仍不见益钦踪影,眼看约好的时间就要到了,便托隔壁摊位老板看着,匆匆离去。中午时分,回到摊位,还是没看到儿子,心里感到奇怪,滴咕着:“他从来不会这样放着摊子不顾的,到底怎么了?”
拿起手机正想打电话给益钦,铃声却响了,昕得熟识的会员说着:“梅云,快点回家吧!”莫名的不安涌上心头,随即向家的方向奔驰而去。
一进家门,很多会员聚在客厅,神色凝重,“益钦发生车祸,我们陪你到医院。”
有人扶着我的臂膀前往医院。
抵达医院,益钦躺在白色的病床上,炯炯有神的眼睛紧紧阎上,平曰笑口常开的嘴唇闭着,头部有道伤口,血迹斑斑。他们说,益钦赶着到市场,摩托车骑了快一些,一不留意,被货车撞上,碾过胸口,拖行10公尺,送医不治。
我的世界在这瞬间,颓然瓦解,梦魔再现,紧紧抱着儿子的身子,想把温暖给了他,却只能感到阵阵寒意,好冷,好冷!
我以为,自己可以看着儿子结婚,过几年含饴弄孙,牵着小小的手参加未来部。没想到,竟是一场空,跪坐佛坛前,发出的,却是一声声悲鸣,手然一身,空空荡荡。
回顾人生路,荆棘遍布,每一步都是淌血地疼,痛,真的好痛啊!但是,我不曾怀疑妙法,三世的生命秘藏着未知痕迹,是我的宿命太过深沉,即使努力修行,也还有不足之处。一遍又一遍地拜读御书,看着池田先生对于生死的解说,空无的心逐渐落实。
“死亡是为了获取迈向新生活力的充电期间,就像‘睡眠’一样,因此以佛的境界入睡的话,也会作为佛而出生。所以,往生者的三世旅程没有值得忧虑和叹息的事,这就是所谓‘生也满怀希望’‘死也满怀希望’。他们很快便会重获新的生命,出生在我们的身边。”
“一切诸佛来集灵山净土,或亲手、或摩顶、或抱、或喜,如月之始出,如花之初开,受得何等之爱怜耶?”(御书1658页) 过世儿女的生命会与大宇宙的佛界冥合,受到一切诸佛的守护和慈爱。因此,家人必须坚强地、明朗地、勇敢地生存到底,获得幸福。这样才能证明故人的成佛,并能够将喜悦的波动传到故人的生命里。”
是啊!既然剩我一人,就要连同丈夫和儿子的份,一起好好地活着,往后再相聚,方能自豪地说: “我这一生没有后悔”含着泪,收起哀伤,将儿子用命换来的保险金,购置讲堂(台商永康讲堂),让更多的人,更多的青年后继代替益钦,献身广布。
为广布奋斗,功德满盈,地区的青年部称我“陈妈妈”,学生部喊我“陈奶奶”,他们亲近我、照顾我,可说儿孙满堂,每天忙得欢喜,哪有时间哀叹孤苦零丁?
这个世界有太多苦难,让人疲惫不堪,然而,在推心刺骨的疼痛中,依然还有值得我们追寻的理想与价值,放开心胸,大步前进,终会发现自己的人生,其实,也无风雨也无睛。
[宇宙 2010年10月]
Without Tribulation, Without Bright Skies
Wang Mei Yun
Taiwan
For a child born in a distressed family, to be schooled was a lavish dream, and to enter the workforce early in life was then considered practical. Without even completing primary school, I worked in a factory with no sense of pity and fatigue, as I was filled with pride that I was able to support the family expenses even at a young age.
Working in the factory, I became acquainted to boys of similar circumstances. He was 4 years older than me, and we had things in common. Which girl at my age then would not be infatuated? Very quickly, we become an item. In the year 1967, I married him at the age of 20, and began to build a family of our own.
For the sake of a beautiful future, a young couple like us worked assiduously hand-in-hand and supported each other. Life was blissful then. During the Mid-Autumn Festival of the year 1969, regardless of typhoon, we continued our journey to gather at our in-law’s house in Phoenix Mountain, Kaohsiung. Before the meal, my husband brought me to visit his relatives and the places where he grew up from. In the returning leg of this trip, we came to the Wang Shen Ming bridge, with light rain and a gust of wind. At this moment, our motorcycle’s engine halted suddenly and could not be started again.
My husband stepped hard onto the accelerator and tried to start the engine a few more times. After a few cranks, the car engine was finally re-engaged. Without taking further risk, we boarded the motorcycle immediately, and with the wind blowing in gust and the rain falling upon us in small and big torrents, I grabbed my husband who was sitting in front of me tightly, wishing that we could rush back to home soon. Right at the moment where we were reaching the end of the bridge, a gust of strong wind blew and a telephone pole broke and fell onto us. The telephone pole hit the head of my husband, and both of us felt off our motorcycle.
Not knowing how long I passed out, I woke up seeing my husband lying beside me, his head bleeding profusely, completely without any reaction to my calling. At that moment, the wind was howling so strongly, and the rain beat heavily upon me. I hugged on to the love of my life, waiting alone for rescue with an intense feeling of biting chill.
In the emergency ward of the hospital, it was buzzling with many people and activities. The doctor told me that I had slight brain concussion and was required to be warded for further observation. Feeling very anxious, I asked the doctor, “I am fine. What about my husband?”
The doctor’s expression turned dire and spoke heavily, “He… He was not breathing when he reached the hospital. We could not save him and he was pronounced dead.”
These words from the doctor went back and forth in my mind, feeling shocked and surreal. He was just in my arms, and we were just about to return home for our meal. How was this possible!
In a moment of palpitation, my entire world had changed. The sweet sense of happiness was gone, what I had all these while, lost in that moment.
In this accident, a loving couple of husband and wife were separated forever.
Encountering the Mystic Law, An All-Out, Relentless Fight
To lose one’s life companion was indeed a tremendous grief in life, but as a mother of a child who was barely one and half years old, I did not have the rights to dwell in my sorrows. Consoling my aged in-laws, taking care of the young, all these heavy burdens were lapped on my shoulders. I had no choice but to pick myself up and to take on the responsibility of a father in the family, and moved on with whatever life ahead with my young child.
After settling the funeral, it was lonely feeling, hardly bearable down the usual route to work in the factory where we used to go together. As our child grew up, the financial burden increased and due to my own lack of education, I would not dare to harbor any ideals except that of sloughing in manual works just to make ends’ meet.
In the 1970s, the government promoted lifelong learning, and encouraged adults to further their education in supplementary schools, whose intention is to allow those deprived or lacking in abilities previously to catch up. Under the encouragement of friends, I started my night classes by rushing home after work and leaving my son with my 4th sister. Even so, I did not felt tired and even felt happy as the joy of learning diluted the gloominess in life.
Due to my studies, I progressed from the level of secondary school to the supplementary school of National Cheng Kung University, and mastered the skill of architectural drawing, a skill set to call my own. At that time, the ten major construction projects proceed briskly and the economy was doing well. Even before graduation, my nephew introduced me to a building company as a draughtsman. One day, my colleagues introduced me to a boss taking charge of civil engineering of expressways, and accepted the job of drainage drawing and workers’ supervisor. One year later, the same boss encouraged me to accept the contract of his projects downstream.
Hence, I enlisted the help of my eldest nephew and my fellow classmate, taking charge of the works from the area of the Okayama segment till Chiayi segment. This part of the work was filled with tremendous challenges from the perspective of civil engineering. In the midst of harsh weather conditions, the motors and templates used in the construction was often stolen, which resulted in a great increase in cost.
In the year 1979 after the opening of the expressway, this project came to a close and my second nephew invited me to start 2 shops selling shoes in Taipei. Unexpectedly, the business was bad and we could not make ends’ meet. Hence we had to close the shoe business and had to sell the remaining goods as a street vendor.
Two years later, I accepted a road project at Heng Chun. Due to the lack of manpower, my energies were focused primarily in the area of supervision, and due to the hectic schedules, I contracted appendicitis and was warded to the hospital for a month. After discharge from the hospital, I was shocked to realize that the cement used in the project was illegally sold, and the stones and sands were bought in half the quantities as stated by the workers. The workers took the profits made from these underhanded activities.
Facing these betrayals, all these years of effort came to naught, and with the huge debt incurred, I dropped into the abyss of great suffering and torment. Feeling depressed and helpless, there was not a single sign of assistance and help amidst the people I knew. In this state of my life, a friend of mine, Xiu Fu, introduced me to Nichiren Daishonin’s Buddhism, but I was overwhelmed by my predicament and could not started practising this Buddhism.
In the year 1984, I met the long-awaited Mrs. Zhou, who was like a mother to me. She listened to my plight patiently and encouraged me not to give up. She said, “As long as you practice this Nichiren Daishonin’s Buddhism, there are no problems that could not be overcome. Please chant!” Her compassionate glance and her words infused with conviction, were liken to the sunlight that shone brightly into my heart in darkness.
Based on chanting daimoku, learning the teachings of Nichiren Daishonin’s Buddhism, and the dialogues I had with my seniors-in-faith, I finally mustered my determination to start afresh all over again by winding up the civil engineering company that I had been running for the past 11 years. In order to repay my financial debts, I left my hometown with my son, and came to Taipei City where job opportunities abound.
During that time, after sending my son to school, I sold Yakult (a probiotic cultured milk drink) in the market, then worked as a cleaner, ironed clothes in factories at night, and worked whenever there were money to make. The living cost in Taipei was high, and in order to save up on the rental, we had to move every 2 months. Life was exceptionally hard at that time.
In this cold and harsh environment, I found warmth and solace in the Soka family. Whenever I had nowhere to turn to, there was always Soka members whom I could rely on. They would chant and pray for me, listened to my plights, encouraged and accompanied me in every step. Because of this, my foundation of faith was slowly deepened in the midst of their warmth and love.
“Only when we enshrine the Gohonzon will we enjoy a stable life.” This was what my Women’s Division district leader told me. Because of this, in the year 1986, I enshrined the Gohonzon, discovering the true place of my devotion and my wandering heart started to settle down.
In the following year, due to the weakening health of my aging parents, I did not want to bear the regrets of not able to fulfil my filial piety and decided to return to my hometown to take care of them. At the same time, I resolved to stand up even alone, and to manifest actual proofs in life.
After returning to Tainan, I exerted fully into my district’s activities and conducted vigorous shakubuku. Even though life was still hard, my inner self was filled with joy. As long as my work for the day was done, chanting, Soka Gakkai’s activities, and homevisits became the most important thing in my life. After a year, the Yong Kang group that I was involved grew from a membership of 8 households to 12 households. Every Wednesday at my place would be chanting sessions where the sound of daimoku reverberates with happiness.
In 26 January 1988, my 80 years old father fell down and things did not look optimistic. Buddhism taught us the greatest debt of gratitude is filial piety. Hence even though medical science would have its limits, I must also find any glimpse of hope at the slightest chance, based on daimoku filled with conviction, praying again and again no matter what. With this, I would like to thank the members in the Tainan districts for their support of daimoku as my father recovered slowly day after day.
After my father was discharged from the hospital, he started to chant daimoku after experiencing the benefit from the Gohonzon. Due to my father’s leg was broken into 3 sections, he was unable to walk and refused to go for physiotherapy. Therefore, after lying down too long on the bed, it resulted in a swollen prostrate which required him to undergo catheterization for his urinals. Through wholehearted prayers, my father was able to urine naturally and do not require catheterization anymore. In September, he passed away peacefully.
Due to my elderly mother who suffered from dementia, she was unable to control her hands’ muscles. Because of this, she chanted every day, and in a short period of a week, her hands’ tremor stopped, even her doctor found it unbelievable. In October the following year, my mum passed away peacefully with a smile on her face. Both my parents had lived a life of peace and compassion, and both encountered Nichiren Daishonin’s Buddhism before their death. In their physical appearance based on the spirit of “happiness in both life and death”, they fulfilled their mission in life, and without saying much, shakubuku-ed many of our relatives in the process.
Shrouded in uncertainty, trekking mountains after mountains alone
In all these years, due to work, starting up my own career, repaying my debts, I brought up my son, Yi Xin playing the role of both a father and a mother single-handedly, amidst tribulations. Watching him learning how to speak, taking his first baby steps to walk in life, carrying his bag to school, going into the army and completing it, time had passed by unknowingly. Due to the fatigue of work and loss of patience, it was frequent for me to use blame to conceal the love of my son and as a result, there were periods of conflict between my rebellious son and me.
My seniors-in-faith said, “There exists many mystical relationship and dependencies between parent and child. Because of this, we must pray for the happiness of one another.” I regarded my son as a personal object, and was frequently accused of taking the relationship between my son and me too lightly. The people around me were more objective than me in my own reality, and therefore I was ashamed of myself and determined to change myself in this area.
Everything changes from the start of an ichinen in the positive direction. I started to respect my son and he reciprocated in return. His character matured as the days passed by, accompanied me to sell clothes in the market, and joined me in Soka Gakkai’s activities. In the year 1997, where my son Yi Xin entered his thirties, he was engaged with his girlfriend whom he knew for many years. I was extremely elated.
In order to get married, Yi Xin became serious in his work, and ran to 3 different markets to sell clothes daily. On the Monday afternoon of 23 June, I had already arranged a home-visit as my stall was closed for rest that day. Then an owner of the stall suddenly called me to tell me that he had the intention of passing the stall to us. Hence, I discussed with Yi Xin that I would go to attend the stall and he would come over at 10am to take over the stall so that I could proceed with the home-visit.
At 10am, Yi Xin was nowhere to be found, and knowing that time was near, I entrusted my stall to the owner of the stall to look after and left quickly. During noon, I returned to the stall but never saw my son. Feeling strange, I asked myself, “He has never left the stall unattended like this. What could have happened?”
At the moment that I was just about to call Yi Xin, the phone rang. The familiar voice of a Soka Gakkai member said, “Mei Yun, come home quickly!” Without a moment’s respite, I dashed home immediately.
Once I step into my house, there were many members seated in the living room looking in dismay, “Yi Xin has got into an accident. Let us accompany you to the hospital.”
Someone held on to my shoulders, accompanying me to the hospital.
Reaching the hospital, Yi Xin was lying on a white bed, with his usually spirited eyes closed tightly, his usual smile absent with lips closed, a wound on his head, covered with blood. According to the people there, they said he was rushing to the market on his motorbike and in a moment of carelessness, he was knocked down by a van, ran over his chest, dragged on the road for 10 meters and was sent to the hospital in this state.
In that moment, my entire world seemed to collapse and the demon of my life seemed to appear. I held my son tightly to give him warmth, but what I could felt was tremors of hopelessness. How cold it was!
I always thought I would see my son in wedding soon, and a few years later, my grandchild would be born and I would hold his little hands to Future Division’s meeting. Never would I have thought that it was gone. I knelt in front of the butsudan and cried in pain and emptiness.
Reflecting my own life, it was such a tumultuous path. Every step was filled with pain and suffering. How painful it was! But I have never doubted the Mystic Law. In the depth of my 3 existences of past, present and future, there must be unknown secrets and untold scalds of mine, to the extent that I have such a destiny and fate. So deep are these destinies that even though I am assiduously practicing now, there would still be areas of insufficiencies, I thought to myself. After reading the Gosho again and again, and reading SGI President Ikeda’s explanation of life and death, the empty heart of mine starts to become more at ease.
“Death is likened to sleeping, a period of recharging towards a new and vibrant life and existence. Therefore if one enters sleep in the state of Buddhahood, one will be born again in the state of Buddhahood. Hence, the deceased in this journey of the 3 existences of past, present and future will never feel anxiety or regret. This is what is known as “in living, filled with hope” “in death, filled with hope”. They will quickly receive a new life, and be born around us again.”
“… all the Buddhas have surely gathered about him in the pure land of Eagle Peak, seating him on their palms, putting his head, embracing him, and rejoicing, welcoming him with affection as one would welcome a moon that has just risen, or blossoms that have just burst into bloom.” (Gosho “Reply to the Mother of Ueno”, The Writings of Nichiren Daishonin Volume 1, Soka Gakkai, page 1075.) Our deceased children will be in the same universal rhythm of Buddhahood, and receive the protection and compassion of all the Buddhas in the universe. Therefore, the family members left behind must be strong, positive and courageous to continue their lives and attain happiness. Only this could we prove the enlightenment of our deceased, and be able to transmit this rhythm of happiness to the lives of our deceased.
Yes! Even if it was left only me alone, for the sake of my husband and son, I must continue to live on positively, so that I could proudly declare the day we met, “I have lived a life with no regrets”. Swallowing my tears and keeping away my sorrows, I used the insurance claims which my son exchanged with his life to donate towards Taiwan Yong Kang Auditorium, so that more youths of the future could dedicate their lives towards kosen-rufu on the behalf of Yi Xin.
Because of the spirit to fight for kosen-rufu and the great benefit thereafter, the youth in the district addressed me “Mother Chen”, and the students’ division members addressed me as “Grandma Chen”. They are close to me and take care of me. Everyday I was filled with joy, so where could I possibly find time to whine in sorrow and loneliness?
There are many types of suffering in this world which caused people to be extremely tired and lethargic. However, in this midst of these piercing pain and suffering, there are still many ideals and values worth chasing, open our hearts, advance boldly and ultimately realize that in our lives, there were no moments of tribulations or bright skies.
(Cosmic, Oct 2010)
Translation Disclaimer: The original testimonial is in the Chinese Language. It has been translated to the English Language for our readers’ convenience. Reasonable efforts have been made to provide an accurate translation, however the editorial team acknowledged that the translation may not be perfect to the author’s original and seeks our readers understanding. Please note that all guidance and quotes are loosely translated.