Winter Always Turns to Spring (雨过，天晴)
Liu Wen Zhong
Taiwan
Deep down in everyone’s heart, there is always a secret that we would like to keep confidential. Only through summon up great courage, can we surpass our own weaknesses to be able to share with others about our embarrassing past..
Hence through the sharing of my own testimonial, I hope to encourage parents who are worried about their children 24/7:
“My sincere advice to all parents is to never give up on your own children no matter what mistake they have made! Even though they may have chosen the wrong path at some point of time, every child is a precious Bodhisattva of the earth, just like me! All it takes is a parent’s genuine love and patience coupled with sincere prayers to lead the child who has strayed, back onto the correct path.”
The process of growing up can be comparable to birth, pain is part and parcel of it. It is only through experiencing hardships and pain, that one can find the proper direction in life.
Since young, the warm and gentle appearance of my grandmother and the back view of her with both hands clasped while chanting in front of the Gohonzon, was deeply engraved in my heart. She was introduced to Daishonin’s Buddhism by my mother and since then she has always been chanting daimoku with diligent and sincere faith. Under their influence, I started chanting and learned how to do gongyo when I was around four to five years old and eventually joined the future division and student division as I grew up.
Being the youngest, my parents doted on me and my two elder sisters showed tender care towards me. When I was a child, everyone liked to praise that I was adorable as I was very chubby back then. However, when in my Secondary school days, my size became an issue as I became the target for bullying.
During Secondary 2, I was approached by a group of tall and well build boys who ambushed me at a corner of the school and extorted money from me. When I shook my head helplessly and told them that I had no money, the bullies did not give up and continued to search every part of my school uniform and jacket. When they could not find a single cent on me, they barked, “You’d better bring your money tomorrow!” They stormed off after leaving their threats.
From that day onwards, I became an easy target for bully. Many people joined in the fun to bully me. They push me around, intimidated and even used abusive words to hurt me. . Being a victim of bullying who was subjected to constant fear, I started stealing and lying to get out of such situations.
Their undesirable actions had hurt me deeply and left an indelible mark deep down in my heart. Having to undergo such pain made me vow never to be bullied again. I resorted to mixing with bad company, and started all kinds of misbehavior. I totally went astray after high school, and there was no turning back since then.
Living An Outrageous Youth
During that period of loss and confusion, the failure of my father’s business caused him to incur heavy debt. There was no longer harmony in the family. As we were haunted by debtors every day. As a result, we had to relocate frequently to escape from the debtors. My parents were so preoccupied by their own issue during this period of time and had neglected me. Thus I hung out with my friends at bubble tea joints and billiard salon, living an arrogance and carefree life. . Once, when I was all alone, I was maliciously attacked by other gang members and suffered serious injuries from head to toe. I took revenge and found the opportunity to attack him when he was alone. This kind of life where we returned “an eye for an eye” became never ending.
During my second year in high school, I was sent to the probation center for 2 years and 4 months due to repeated offences of stealing. In the probation center, they used the military style of training to discipline us, but it was unable to suppress the obstinate and defiant nature of the youngsters. We would create trouble whenever the instructors were not paying attention to us. As I was often being attacked, I thus set the determination to train up physically so that I would not appear weak and would be able to defend myself when challenged. In 2001, my probation ended, I finished my second year in high school and got myself a Class C driving license. At 19, I was smug and felt I could achieve anything. Hoping to earn fast cash, I became a loan shark runner. Spotting a tattoo on my leg, I followed the gang members around to collect debts, using intimidation and threats in the process to get them to pay up.
The year after, I started my gambling business that involved unlicensed money lending by joining venture with a few other friends. At 20, I bought my first BMW and became popular with many followers under me.
Just when I thought I could show my filial piety by giving a hefty sum of hundred million dollars to my mother, she rejected it flatly and said, “I will never accept any ill-gotten money!”
Puzzled by her serious expression, I told her I was just being an opportunist who did whatever he could to achieve what he wanted regardless of the method. There was no point of turning back.
As my appetite for wealth became insatiable, I expanded my gambling business to fulfil my greed. From opening just one casino, it became three. Evilness is the start to all misfortune. Indeed, I had fallen on evil days due to my misgivings. In 2006, I was charged for not turning in a customer who was involved in an armed robbery at my casino to the police. I was suspected of being in cahoots with him for the robbery.
My mother received a call from the police station to bail me out. The moment she stepped into the station, she saw two guns on the table. My name, together with the 3 other accomplices were labelled on them. She walked towards me in total disbelief and asked, “Do the guns belong to you?” I denied but to no avail as I had bad records under my history. There was no way I could be cleared of the charge.
After I was out of bail, I took the opportunity to move out from home when my high school mate asked me to take my degree in the University of Science and Technology. I started investing on properties, and opened my fourth casino. There were forty to fifty followers under me. At 24, I was able to own 2 more BMWs. I also hired 6 personal body guards who also work as my runners to collect debt.
Very soon, the verdict for my charges was announced by the judge. I had to be sentenced to 7 years imprisonment due to serious offence of robbery. As I was not willing to spend my prime point of my life in jail, I hired a lawyer to appeal for my case, but it was unsuccessful. I tried to appeal again, and was instead given a longer jail term of 7 years 4 months. I was unwilling to give up and appeal for a third time, with little success. I decided to go for a special appeal case and fight to the very end.
The appeal process lasted for 2 years, and I lost my freedom to achieve what I wanted in life. At the same time, the bad debts kept rolling, and I had to close down my casinos one after another. Everything went downhill, my followers got addicted to drugs and went out of control. It was no longer within my means to make them listen to me and to provide for their expenses. I was overwhelmed.
One day as I drove back home, I saw my mum kneeling in front of the butsudan alone, chanting earnestly. Looking at her from the back, my heart was filled with guilt and anger. Thinking about the heartache and sufferings that I had brought upon her, it felt like a sharp sword had pierced through my heart.
My mother had given everything to the family, yet at the same time, had to worry about me day and night. I did not know how to appreciate what she had done in the past, and expected her to support and provide me with warm and unconditional support to the extent of tolerating my ridiculous behaviour. It hit me at this moment how tough it was for her to shoulder the heavy burden for the entire family. She had to handle the huge debts which my father had incurred, and to suffer the emotional burden when my father had a failed suicide attempt. She also had to take care of my seriously ill father, while enduring my willfulness. What an arduous task it was!
In September 2008, I gave up everything and returned home, physically and mentally exhausted. From then, I followed my mother to discussion meetings and set a one million daimoku target. I would chant 8 to 10 hours a day, with the vow to take on whatever missions entrusted to me. I volunteered to be the emcee for discussion meetings, participated in Soka Value Creative Class, and also accepted the role to be the YMD district leader for New City Lake.
Determined to challenge my situation, I forged on, as I knew my life would only regress if I were to stop now.
What will come, will eventually come. The previous trainings that I received in Gakkai had enabled me to learn that everyone makes mistake in life. I had to be courageous in owing up to my own mistakes. 27 is a youthful age, I should not be a coward but instead face the consequences if I wanted to continue living a life with clear conscience and with an ease of mind.
Start afresh
7 August 2009, I was involved in the student division happiness kenshu doing the backstage work. 3 days later, on 10 August was the day I reported to the remand center. Two weeks later, I was transferred from Taipei Prison to Taiwan Tainan Prison which supposedly had the most stringent security. Out of the 14 inmates, 7 of them were criminals who were sentenced to life imprisonment, while others also had jail term up to 10 years. I was considered the lucky one.
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During imprisonment, I did not bring any basic necessities, but only brought along 10 books to accompany me. Amongst them were books like Buddhism and Study, For New Friends and Basic Buddhist Study. I chanted daimoku and did my gongyo every day and read gakkai books diligently during my break. If I come across any Buddhism concept which I did not understand, I would read the pages repeatedly, and I was even able to memorize some gosho passages as a result.
In the prison, it was a norm to meet with unreasonable people. I had to remind myself to keep my cool and not retaliate as I knew I had greater mission as compared to the others. I would not risk having my jail term extended by violating the rules due to my recklessness.
During this period of time when I was in prison, my mother and sisters would come and visit me frequently. Not only that, the youth senior leader, Guobin and Li Hu District, YWD chief, Ya Xin travelled long distance just to visit me. This gave me great encouragement and courage.
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Every month, my mother would send me gakkai books. I came across a diary entry written by Toda Sensei during the time he was in prison. He wrote, “Fight on with strong determination, even if you are born in a severe environment, do not be swayed by it. You will definitely turn your karma into mission.” Deeply touched by this encouragement, I vow to deepen my faith and started to dialogue with people and share with them about Buddhism.
One year later, I was appointed to a clerk to perform administrative job in the prison. Although my supervisor was strict in my work performance, he became my shoten zenjin who approved my application for Minimum Security Prison due to my excellent performance. Hence, I left Taiwan Tainan Prison which I had spent two years in and transferred to Hua Lien prison. It was a one in a million chance to be successful in the application for Minimum Security Prison as out of 100,000 Taiwanese who were serving term at that time, only 1000 managed to get it. I believed I was able to turn the impossible to possible because of the good fortune I had accumulated through chanting abundant daimoku.
Those who serve at the minimum security level prison are all light offenders. I was in charge of animal husbandry in a beautiful Hualien surrounded by mountains and river. I felt a sense of release in my deep emotion. I was also allowed to return home every tri-monthly, this also enabled me to stay in touch with Gakkai activities.
Different inmates had undergone through different sufferings in the course of their lives. When I heard them share their life stories, it made me a more humble person. I also went through hardships due to my family’s dire financial situation. I had to depend on myself to earn some meagre salary by working as a cleaner to help wash dishes and laundry.
The monthly expected salary for a dishwasher was TWD$200. During the first 3 months, I earned about $3000. When I returned home during my off day, I requested for my mother to help me make zaimu contribution of $1000 at the Kaikan. Subsequently, due to my excellent work service and attitude, more customers hired me and my source of monthly income increased to $5000 into the 6th month of work, and I even managed to achieve a monthly income of $9000 nine months later. I would make it a point to set aside $1000 for my monthly zaimu contributions as I wanted to repay my debt of gratitude to Gohonzon.
As I was always modest and hardworking, the whole hostel with 150 occupants wanted me to work for them. I decided to set up a dishwashing and laundry company, and got around 10 inmates who were also facing financial difficulties to work with me. Before I was released from the prison, my monthly income had reached TWD$15000. I guessed I was the highest earning prisoner in the whole of Taiwan.
Soka Gakkai is like a big family. I was grateful to my seniors in faith, Jin Ting and Bo Qing for visiting me frequently to offer me encouragement and Sensei’s guidance. Finally, in July 2013, I was granted parole after 4 years long of imprisonment.
“No one can go back and start a new beginning.” Because of faith, I was able to start afresh. These 4 years in my life served as a valuable life lesson which came with a high price to pay. However, some lessons in life can never be learned unless you personally experience them. It was only through sufferings that you testify the power of the great mystic law.
I was able to find a job that paid me a monthly salary of $30 000 shortly a week after I was released. Guess what I did with my first pay check? It was none other than to make my zaimu contribution to repay my gratitude. President Ikeda says, “When your determination changes, everything else begins to move in the direction you desire. The moment you resolve to be victorious, every nerve and fiber in your being immediately orient themselves toward your success. On the other hand, if you think, "this is never going to work out," at that instant, every cell in your being will be deflated, giving up the fight. Everything then will move in the direction of failure. I want you to understand the subtle workings of the mind. How you orient your mind, the kind of attitude you have, greatly influence both yourself and your environment.” After my ichinen changed, friends who had led me astray in the past had kept their distance from me while in turn, the people I attracted into my life now were all positive and cheerful Gakkai members.
Did my life struggles end there? Of course not! I had difficulties to stay in a job and also faced numerous rejections in my job interviews due to my past criminal records. At age 32, I had accomplished nothing in my life, had no stable job, no girlfriend and my future seemed bleak.
At that point of time, my mother was quick to remind me, “Complaints erased good fortune!” My second sister in-law also encouraged me saying, “Now is not the time to worry about job and relationship but rather, ponder about how to advance in kosen rufu and how to take care of the gakkai members in your district.” From then on, I had decisively started a series of actions to be taken. From inviting new friends to attend discussion meetings, I started to engage myself in homevisits and dialogues and I also embarked on my second million daimoku to actualise my prayers.
There is a gosho saying, “To accept is easy, to continue is difficult.” However, with strong ichinen, I was able to seek help through the Association of Protection for the Rehabilitated and applied to take up culinary course at the vocational training council. Through sheer determination and hard work, I managed to graduate with a C class chef license.
As a chef, I was able to choose between 2 working shifts. When I went for interviews, the only criterion that I set was my working hours must not clash with gakkai activities. However, none of the job offers met my request. However, I did not give up and with strong conviction, I managed to secure my current job at a franchised restaurant that offered me morning shift. My working hours were between 630am to 330pm with seven off days per month. These flexible working hours allowed me to attend my kosen rufu activities without constraint.
In June last year, I met my current girlfriend during a friend’s gathering. At that time, she was willful and led an irregular life with many bad habits. In her, I saw myself in the past. Hoping to help her change her way of life, I started bringing her to attend discussion meetings and that was even before we started our relationship. This year, 1st March, shortly after being home visited by a YWD, she made the decision to sign up to be a Taiwan Soka (TSA) member. From attending monthly discussion meetings, she took up roles in youth meeting, learned gongyo and even received the Gohonzon on 9 August. The same year in October, I successfully shakubuku my ex university classmate and he also received the Gohonzon.
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Early August this year, my girlfriend and I had plans to get married. We challenged each other to achieve our individual million daimoku to chant with a common prayer which was for both of us to be the right kosen rufu partner for each other. In order to achieve our common prayer, she diligently chanted daimoku daily and there was once, she even chanted 5 hours straight. From her serious attitude, I was convinced my prayer to find the right kosen rufu partner who can advance valiantly with me was realized!
Everyone has a dark secret deep inside. I once hesitated before opening up about my shameful past but I know by not admitting one’s mistake, it does not mean it did not happen. Only by summoning true courage, will we be able to gain victory over our past. Through my testimonial, I hope to encourage all parents who faced difficult children like me. Never give up on your children no matter what! Despite a wrong turn in life, every child like me is a precious Boddhisattva of the earth. With patience and guidance coupled with sincere daimoku, they will definitely return on the correct path.
Looking at the satisfaction looks on my mother’s face, I wish to say, “Mum, I am sorry to have let you suffer for so long.” At the same time, I would like to say, “Thank you! Thank you for believing in me and accommodating me all these years”
Winter always turns to spring. A bright and hope-filled path lies ahead of me and a new phase of my life journey is awaiting to be unfolded.
[Cosmic, January 2016]
Translation Disclaimer: The original testimonial is in the Chinese Language. It has been translated to the English Language for our readers’ convenience. Reasonable efforts have been made to provide an accurate translation, however the editorial team acknowledged that the translation may not be perfect to the author’s original and seeks our readers understanding. Please note that all guidance and quotes are loosely translated.
(编辑注释: 以上是中英翻译，原版如下.)
雨过，天晴
刘文中
台湾
成长犹如新生，往往伴随阵痛，或许唯有经历曲折，才能让成长找到方向。
阿嬷和煦的慈颜，合掌虔诚祈念的背影，是我童年记忆的烙印。阿嬷在妈妈的折伏下，勤励信心，总是无时无刻地唱念题目，耳濡目染，四五岁时，我学会了勤行，顺理成章地沿着未来部、中学部的轨道成长。
身为老么，父母疼爱，两个姐姐也细心呵护，小时候圆圆滚滚，大家都说我很可爱，到了中学，却成了好欺负的标签。
中学二年级某天，在校园的角落，一群身材高大的男生迎面而来，迅速将我围在中间，“同学，有钱吗？”我不知所措地摇摇头，随后外套、衣服被翻遍，“记得明天开始带钱在身上!”烙下狠话，扬长而去。
从那天起，“很好欺负”的名声传了开来，愈来愈多人看到我而不捉弄好像对不起自己似地，推挤、勒索、语言暴力如刀，一道道射中我的身体，插入内心，在恐惧下，偷窃、说谎成了我的本能。
丑恶，会在人心深处划下伤口。我不甘于长期被压制，决心反抗，与一群小混混结党，胡作非为，前进的方向逐渐偏差，高中之后，脱出了轨道，不再回头。
荒唐的青春
在那段茫然冲撞的岁月，平静的家因为爸爸事业失败，债台高筑，翻天覆地。每天都有人到家中讨债，我们不得不搬家躲债。爸妈无暇他顾，我和朋友们流连泡沬红茶和撞球间，不知天高地厚。一天，我落了单，遭仇家们围殴，浑身是伤。下次轮到对方落单，换我讨回公道，以牙还牙，没有终了。
高二时，因为数度偷窃，被送进感化院两年四个月。感化院采军事化训练，却压抑不住少年们桀骛不驯的野性，趁老师们不注意，就会惹是生非，我经常遭到围殴，为此努力锻炼体魄，遇到挑衅，绝不示弱，拼命反击。
2001年，感化期结束，完成了高二学业，也取得配线丙级执照。年方19，却觉得自己无所不能，想赚快饯走偏门，当了地下钱庄的催收员，脚上刺音，爆戾恣睢，跟着道上兄弟四处讨债，恐吓威胁。
一年后，与几个朋友合资，开设赌场，放高利贷，20岁就买进第一部BMW汽车，身后跟着一大群小弟。
当我自得意满地捧着100万现金到妈妈面前，表达孝意时，妈妈却说：“我不收这些没福运的钱！”
看着她严肃的神情， 一股莫名的焦躁涌上心头，说：“妈，现在的我可以用八个字来形容，那就是‘投机取巧，心术不正’，别再劝我回头了!”
赌场的规模愈做愈大，心愈来愈贪，从一家扩展到三家，志得意满。俗话说：“祸囚恶积”，坏事做多了，迟早惹祸上身，2006年，赌客持枪抢劫，我是屋主，知情不报，视为共犯。
妈妈接到电话，走进警察局时，看到桌上放着两把抢，前方写着刘文中、某某等三人，满脸不可置信。走到我面前，问着：“是你的吗？”我坚决否认，但百口莫辩，加上有不良前科，难以脱身。
交保后，髙中同学找我到中坜报考科技大学，趁此机会搬离家里，购屋置产，并开设第四家賭场。24岁时，买了两辆BMW，手下有四五十人，家中还养了六个小弟，当贴身保镖兼讨债员工。
很快地，一审宣判结果，因犯下加重強盗罪，判刑七年。我正值人生黄金期，怎么甘心在狱中度过？于是找來律师办理上诉，遭到驳回，不服再上诉，改判七年四个月，丁是再上诉，又遭驳回，我不肯放弃，进行非常上诉。
官司打了两年，气数尽失，呆帐愈來愈多，赌场一家家关，加上小弟们染上毒瘾，我再也无力管教和供应，压力大得我喘不过气。
一天，开车回家，看着妈妈跪坐佛坛前，深深祈念的孤单背影，悔恨像刺刀扎进心脏，鲜血在胸腔里飞溅，刺痛难忍。
妈妈把所有美好的年华都给了这个家，为我不知操碎了多少心。我从来不知道惜福，总以为妈妈会一直在身后，给我温暖与力量，包容我的肆意妄为。这一刻，领受到妈妈肩上承担着的，是高额债务、爸爸轻生未遂，百病缠身，加上我的顽劣不羁，多么沉重！
2008年9月，结束一切，身心俱疲地回到家里。此后跟着妈妈，参加座谈会，立下百万遍题目目标，一天唱题八至十小时，而且不管任何使命，来者不拒，担任座谈会司仪，参加创价班，接下新划分的丽湖地区男子部长，全力挑战。我拼命再拼命，因为后退已经没有路，只能笔直地往前冲。
一年后，指挥书送达，维持原判，刑期七年四个月。
该来的，必然会来，这一年学会活动的磨练，让我明白：生命没有覆辙，既然是自己的过错，就必须坦然接受。27岁，青春正好，时光未老，不应该畏畏缩缩，安然面对，就能过得踏实与安心。
重新出发
2009年8月7日，投入中学部欢乐成长营幕后工作，8月10日前往台北看守所报到。两个星期后，从台北监狱移往全台湾管理最为严密的台南监狱。舍房14人中，七人是无期徒刑的重刑犯，其他人的刑期也长达十年，我算是最幸运的了。
入监时，我没带任何日用品，只有《教学研习》《给新朋友》《佛法教学基础》等十本书陪伴。曰曰早晚的勤行唱题，休息时刻，认真阅读学会书籍，不懂的地方，一遍又一遍地读着，最后背熟了好几篇御书。
在狱中，难免遇到不讲理的人，我忍耐着，从不还手，因为我知道自己的价值比这里的任何人都重要，绝对不能因为一时的冲动而违规，导致多留一年半载。
这段期间，不仅妈妈和姐姐，还有青年部前辈国宾大哥和丽湖地区女子部长阙雅馨大老远跑来探监，给了我莫大的鼓励和勇气。
妈妈每个月都会寄来学会书籍，当我看到户田先生在狱中写下的日记：“抱持坚定的信念奋战，即使身处恶世，亦不为恶所染，宿命也能转换。”感动良深，更勤励信心，也展开了佛法对话。
一年后，升任文书杂役，主管相当严苛，却是我的诸天，同意我申请的外役服刑，于是，我离开待了两年的台南监狱，移往花莲外役蓝狱，当时受刑人约十万人，服外监役的不到一千人，这百分之一的机会，是平日题目累积的功徳啊！
外役监的受刑人都是罪刑较轻者，花莲好山好水，我负责养牛，就像在农场工作，心悄非常愉快。而且每三个月可以返家探视两天，这么一来，学会活动就不会脱节了。
每个受训人的背后都有着不为人知的生命历程，磨掉了我少年得志，猖狂自大的傲慢。由于家里的经济困窘，无法寄给我生活费，我只能自力救济，靠着帮人洗碗和洗衣服，嫌取微薄的报酬。
洗碗的费用开价每人每月200元，前三个月的月薪大约三千元，放假回家时，我请妈妈到会馆供养1000元。由于工作认真，服务周到，笫六个月客源扩人到25人，月薪提高到5000元，第九个月更高达8000元。毎一次回家必定拿出1000元供养，报答佛恩。
因为勤劳，身段低，全舍房约一百五十人，洗碗的工作全交给我包办，于是开设洗碗公司、洗衣公司，十个员工都是和我一样经济困顿的受刑人。出狱前，月薪己经达到15000，我想我应该是全台湾赚最多钱的受刑人吧！
创价家族无所不在，那段期间，感谢劲廷大哥和柏菁姐经常前来探视，给予鼓励和指导。2013年7月，狱方通过了我的假释申请，结束了四年的狱中生涯。
开弓没有回头箭，但因为信心，我的人生有了重新开始的机会。这四年可说是一场珍贵的“进修”课程，代价高昂，但有些事若没有亲身经历、体验，是学不会的，也无法深刻领受妙法的功德。
出狱一个礼拜，我就找到月薪30000的工作，而领到薪水的第一件事就是供养，感恩谢德。诚如池田先生所说：“正道即幸福”，过去称兄道弟的朋友一一远离，走近身旁的，都是积极正向、乐观开朗的学会员。
体验到此结朿了吗？当然不是，身为更生人,工作一换再换，面试好几十次，在异样的眼光中，惨遭一次次的拒绝。我已经32岁，一无所有，没作工作、没有女朋友，看不到未来。
这时，妈妈说：“抱怨会减少福运。”二姐夫也鼓励我：“你该烦恼的，不是工作或感情，而是如何广宣流布、照颈部员。“于是，我毫不迟疑地展开行动，热情邀约新朋友参加活动，积极家访和对话，并展开第一次的百万遍题口桃战。
坚持到底是最艰难的挑战，但一念决定胜负。透过更生人保护会的协助，报考职训局中餐班，为期三个月的训练期间，我认真学习，取得丙级中餐厨师执照。
厨师工作几乎都是两班制，而我找工作是以配合学会活动为前提，因此面试几十次，都无法合意。但在坚定的信念下，我找到现在的工作，公司是连锁餐厅，早班上午六点半到下午三点半，月休七天，完全可以配合学会活动，自在广布。
去年六月，在一次聚会上，结识了女友。她爱玩、生活习性不佳，仿佛是另一个过去的我，因此还没交往就带她参加庄谈会。今年3月1曰，在女子部的家访下，她签下了入信卡，现在不仅每个月参加座谈会，还担任青春漾，学会勤行，8月9日敬领御本尊。今年10月，折伏先前找我读大学的同学，他也欹领了御本尊。
8月初，我们以结婚为前提，相约在跨年前唱完百万遍题目，祈求彼此适合对方，成为幸福的广布伴侣。为了达成目标，她曾一天唱题五小时，比我还认真，看来我的祈求目标“一定要有个像我一样勇猛精进的广布伴侣”，巳经出现了。
每个人的心底，都有一块不欲人知的秘密。其实，要说出自己难堪的过往，也曾犹豫。但有些事情不是不提就能抹灭，唯有鼓起莫大的勇气，才能超越过去的自己。更希望透过我的现身说法，鼓励正为孩子苦恼的父母亲：千万别放弃你的孩子！尽管一时走错了路，但他们和我一样，都是尊贵的佛子，只要耐心守护，真心祈愿，一定可以迷途知返。
望着身旁笑得异样满足的妈妈，我想说：“妈妈，对不起，让您辛苦了这么久！同时，还要说一声谢谢，谢谢您这么多年来对我的坚持和包容。”
雨过，必然天晴。未来，是一条充满阳光的大道，而我，周身洒满阳光，已经启程。
[宇宙月刊， 2016年1月］
Liu Wen Zhong
Taiwan
Deep down in everyone’s heart, there is always a secret that we would like to keep confidential. Only through summon up great courage, can we surpass our own weaknesses to be able to share with others about our embarrassing past..
Hence through the sharing of my own testimonial, I hope to encourage parents who are worried about their children 24/7:
“My sincere advice to all parents is to never give up on your own children no matter what mistake they have made! Even though they may have chosen the wrong path at some point of time, every child is a precious Bodhisattva of the earth, just like me! All it takes is a parent’s genuine love and patience coupled with sincere prayers to lead the child who has strayed, back onto the correct path.”
The process of growing up can be comparable to birth, pain is part and parcel of it. It is only through experiencing hardships and pain, that one can find the proper direction in life.
Since young, the warm and gentle appearance of my grandmother and the back view of her with both hands clasped while chanting in front of the Gohonzon, was deeply engraved in my heart. She was introduced to Daishonin’s Buddhism by my mother and since then she has always been chanting daimoku with diligent and sincere faith. Under their influence, I started chanting and learned how to do gongyo when I was around four to five years old and eventually joined the future division and student division as I grew up.
Being the youngest, my parents doted on me and my two elder sisters showed tender care towards me. When I was a child, everyone liked to praise that I was adorable as I was very chubby back then. However, when in my Secondary school days, my size became an issue as I became the target for bullying.
During Secondary 2, I was approached by a group of tall and well build boys who ambushed me at a corner of the school and extorted money from me. When I shook my head helplessly and told them that I had no money, the bullies did not give up and continued to search every part of my school uniform and jacket. When they could not find a single cent on me, they barked, “You’d better bring your money tomorrow!” They stormed off after leaving their threats.
From that day onwards, I became an easy target for bully. Many people joined in the fun to bully me. They push me around, intimidated and even used abusive words to hurt me. . Being a victim of bullying who was subjected to constant fear, I started stealing and lying to get out of such situations.
Their undesirable actions had hurt me deeply and left an indelible mark deep down in my heart. Having to undergo such pain made me vow never to be bullied again. I resorted to mixing with bad company, and started all kinds of misbehavior. I totally went astray after high school, and there was no turning back since then.
Living An Outrageous Youth
During that period of loss and confusion, the failure of my father’s business caused him to incur heavy debt. There was no longer harmony in the family. As we were haunted by debtors every day. As a result, we had to relocate frequently to escape from the debtors. My parents were so preoccupied by their own issue during this period of time and had neglected me. Thus I hung out with my friends at bubble tea joints and billiard salon, living an arrogance and carefree life. . Once, when I was all alone, I was maliciously attacked by other gang members and suffered serious injuries from head to toe. I took revenge and found the opportunity to attack him when he was alone. This kind of life where we returned “an eye for an eye” became never ending.
During my second year in high school, I was sent to the probation center for 2 years and 4 months due to repeated offences of stealing. In the probation center, they used the military style of training to discipline us, but it was unable to suppress the obstinate and defiant nature of the youngsters. We would create trouble whenever the instructors were not paying attention to us. As I was often being attacked, I thus set the determination to train up physically so that I would not appear weak and would be able to defend myself when challenged. In 2001, my probation ended, I finished my second year in high school and got myself a Class C driving license. At 19, I was smug and felt I could achieve anything. Hoping to earn fast cash, I became a loan shark runner. Spotting a tattoo on my leg, I followed the gang members around to collect debts, using intimidation and threats in the process to get them to pay up.
The year after, I started my gambling business that involved unlicensed money lending by joining venture with a few other friends. At 20, I bought my first BMW and became popular with many followers under me.
Just when I thought I could show my filial piety by giving a hefty sum of hundred million dollars to my mother, she rejected it flatly and said, “I will never accept any ill-gotten money!”
Puzzled by her serious expression, I told her I was just being an opportunist who did whatever he could to achieve what he wanted regardless of the method. There was no point of turning back.
As my appetite for wealth became insatiable, I expanded my gambling business to fulfil my greed. From opening just one casino, it became three. Evilness is the start to all misfortune. Indeed, I had fallen on evil days due to my misgivings. In 2006, I was charged for not turning in a customer who was involved in an armed robbery at my casino to the police. I was suspected of being in cahoots with him for the robbery.
My mother received a call from the police station to bail me out. The moment she stepped into the station, she saw two guns on the table. My name, together with the 3 other accomplices were labelled on them. She walked towards me in total disbelief and asked, “Do the guns belong to you?” I denied but to no avail as I had bad records under my history. There was no way I could be cleared of the charge.
After I was out of bail, I took the opportunity to move out from home when my high school mate asked me to take my degree in the University of Science and Technology. I started investing on properties, and opened my fourth casino. There were forty to fifty followers under me. At 24, I was able to own 2 more BMWs. I also hired 6 personal body guards who also work as my runners to collect debt.
Very soon, the verdict for my charges was announced by the judge. I had to be sentenced to 7 years imprisonment due to serious offence of robbery. As I was not willing to spend my prime point of my life in jail, I hired a lawyer to appeal for my case, but it was unsuccessful. I tried to appeal again, and was instead given a longer jail term of 7 years 4 months. I was unwilling to give up and appeal for a third time, with little success. I decided to go for a special appeal case and fight to the very end.
The appeal process lasted for 2 years, and I lost my freedom to achieve what I wanted in life. At the same time, the bad debts kept rolling, and I had to close down my casinos one after another. Everything went downhill, my followers got addicted to drugs and went out of control. It was no longer within my means to make them listen to me and to provide for their expenses. I was overwhelmed.
One day as I drove back home, I saw my mum kneeling in front of the butsudan alone, chanting earnestly. Looking at her from the back, my heart was filled with guilt and anger. Thinking about the heartache and sufferings that I had brought upon her, it felt like a sharp sword had pierced through my heart.
My mother had given everything to the family, yet at the same time, had to worry about me day and night. I did not know how to appreciate what she had done in the past, and expected her to support and provide me with warm and unconditional support to the extent of tolerating my ridiculous behaviour. It hit me at this moment how tough it was for her to shoulder the heavy burden for the entire family. She had to handle the huge debts which my father had incurred, and to suffer the emotional burden when my father had a failed suicide attempt. She also had to take care of my seriously ill father, while enduring my willfulness. What an arduous task it was!
In September 2008, I gave up everything and returned home, physically and mentally exhausted. From then, I followed my mother to discussion meetings and set a one million daimoku target. I would chant 8 to 10 hours a day, with the vow to take on whatever missions entrusted to me. I volunteered to be the emcee for discussion meetings, participated in Soka Value Creative Class, and also accepted the role to be the YMD district leader for New City Lake.
Determined to challenge my situation, I forged on, as I knew my life would only regress if I were to stop now.
What will come, will eventually come. The previous trainings that I received in Gakkai had enabled me to learn that everyone makes mistake in life. I had to be courageous in owing up to my own mistakes. 27 is a youthful age, I should not be a coward but instead face the consequences if I wanted to continue living a life with clear conscience and with an ease of mind.
Start afresh
7 August 2009, I was involved in the student division happiness kenshu doing the backstage work. 3 days later, on 10 August was the day I reported to the remand center. Two weeks later, I was transferred from Taipei Prison to Taiwan Tainan Prison which supposedly had the most stringent security. Out of the 14 inmates, 7 of them were criminals who were sentenced to life imprisonment, while others also had jail term up to 10 years. I was considered the lucky one.
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During imprisonment, I did not bring any basic necessities, but only brought along 10 books to accompany me. Amongst them were books like Buddhism and Study, For New Friends and Basic Buddhist Study. I chanted daimoku and did my gongyo every day and read gakkai books diligently during my break. If I come across any Buddhism concept which I did not understand, I would read the pages repeatedly, and I was even able to memorize some gosho passages as a result.
In the prison, it was a norm to meet with unreasonable people. I had to remind myself to keep my cool and not retaliate as I knew I had greater mission as compared to the others. I would not risk having my jail term extended by violating the rules due to my recklessness.
During this period of time when I was in prison, my mother and sisters would come and visit me frequently. Not only that, the youth senior leader, Guobin and Li Hu District, YWD chief, Ya Xin travelled long distance just to visit me. This gave me great encouragement and courage.
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Every month, my mother would send me gakkai books. I came across a diary entry written by Toda Sensei during the time he was in prison. He wrote, “Fight on with strong determination, even if you are born in a severe environment, do not be swayed by it. You will definitely turn your karma into mission.” Deeply touched by this encouragement, I vow to deepen my faith and started to dialogue with people and share with them about Buddhism.
One year later, I was appointed to a clerk to perform administrative job in the prison. Although my supervisor was strict in my work performance, he became my shoten zenjin who approved my application for Minimum Security Prison due to my excellent performance. Hence, I left Taiwan Tainan Prison which I had spent two years in and transferred to Hua Lien prison. It was a one in a million chance to be successful in the application for Minimum Security Prison as out of 100,000 Taiwanese who were serving term at that time, only 1000 managed to get it. I believed I was able to turn the impossible to possible because of the good fortune I had accumulated through chanting abundant daimoku.
Those who serve at the minimum security level prison are all light offenders. I was in charge of animal husbandry in a beautiful Hualien surrounded by mountains and river. I felt a sense of release in my deep emotion. I was also allowed to return home every tri-monthly, this also enabled me to stay in touch with Gakkai activities.
Different inmates had undergone through different sufferings in the course of their lives. When I heard them share their life stories, it made me a more humble person. I also went through hardships due to my family’s dire financial situation. I had to depend on myself to earn some meagre salary by working as a cleaner to help wash dishes and laundry.
The monthly expected salary for a dishwasher was TWD$200. During the first 3 months, I earned about $3000. When I returned home during my off day, I requested for my mother to help me make zaimu contribution of $1000 at the Kaikan. Subsequently, due to my excellent work service and attitude, more customers hired me and my source of monthly income increased to $5000 into the 6th month of work, and I even managed to achieve a monthly income of $9000 nine months later. I would make it a point to set aside $1000 for my monthly zaimu contributions as I wanted to repay my debt of gratitude to Gohonzon.
As I was always modest and hardworking, the whole hostel with 150 occupants wanted me to work for them. I decided to set up a dishwashing and laundry company, and got around 10 inmates who were also facing financial difficulties to work with me. Before I was released from the prison, my monthly income had reached TWD$15000. I guessed I was the highest earning prisoner in the whole of Taiwan.
Soka Gakkai is like a big family. I was grateful to my seniors in faith, Jin Ting and Bo Qing for visiting me frequently to offer me encouragement and Sensei’s guidance. Finally, in July 2013, I was granted parole after 4 years long of imprisonment.
“No one can go back and start a new beginning.” Because of faith, I was able to start afresh. These 4 years in my life served as a valuable life lesson which came with a high price to pay. However, some lessons in life can never be learned unless you personally experience them. It was only through sufferings that you testify the power of the great mystic law.
I was able to find a job that paid me a monthly salary of $30 000 shortly a week after I was released. Guess what I did with my first pay check? It was none other than to make my zaimu contribution to repay my gratitude. President Ikeda says, “When your determination changes, everything else begins to move in the direction you desire. The moment you resolve to be victorious, every nerve and fiber in your being immediately orient themselves toward your success. On the other hand, if you think, "this is never going to work out," at that instant, every cell in your being will be deflated, giving up the fight. Everything then will move in the direction of failure. I want you to understand the subtle workings of the mind. How you orient your mind, the kind of attitude you have, greatly influence both yourself and your environment.” After my ichinen changed, friends who had led me astray in the past had kept their distance from me while in turn, the people I attracted into my life now were all positive and cheerful Gakkai members.
Did my life struggles end there? Of course not! I had difficulties to stay in a job and also faced numerous rejections in my job interviews due to my past criminal records. At age 32, I had accomplished nothing in my life, had no stable job, no girlfriend and my future seemed bleak.
At that point of time, my mother was quick to remind me, “Complaints erased good fortune!” My second sister in-law also encouraged me saying, “Now is not the time to worry about job and relationship but rather, ponder about how to advance in kosen rufu and how to take care of the gakkai members in your district.” From then on, I had decisively started a series of actions to be taken. From inviting new friends to attend discussion meetings, I started to engage myself in homevisits and dialogues and I also embarked on my second million daimoku to actualise my prayers.
There is a gosho saying, “To accept is easy, to continue is difficult.” However, with strong ichinen, I was able to seek help through the Association of Protection for the Rehabilitated and applied to take up culinary course at the vocational training council. Through sheer determination and hard work, I managed to graduate with a C class chef license.
As a chef, I was able to choose between 2 working shifts. When I went for interviews, the only criterion that I set was my working hours must not clash with gakkai activities. However, none of the job offers met my request. However, I did not give up and with strong conviction, I managed to secure my current job at a franchised restaurant that offered me morning shift. My working hours were between 630am to 330pm with seven off days per month. These flexible working hours allowed me to attend my kosen rufu activities without constraint.
In June last year, I met my current girlfriend during a friend’s gathering. At that time, she was willful and led an irregular life with many bad habits. In her, I saw myself in the past. Hoping to help her change her way of life, I started bringing her to attend discussion meetings and that was even before we started our relationship. This year, 1st March, shortly after being home visited by a YWD, she made the decision to sign up to be a Taiwan Soka (TSA) member. From attending monthly discussion meetings, she took up roles in youth meeting, learned gongyo and even received the Gohonzon on 9 August. The same year in October, I successfully shakubuku my ex university classmate and he also received the Gohonzon.
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Early August this year, my girlfriend and I had plans to get married. We challenged each other to achieve our individual million daimoku to chant with a common prayer which was for both of us to be the right kosen rufu partner for each other. In order to achieve our common prayer, she diligently chanted daimoku daily and there was once, she even chanted 5 hours straight. From her serious attitude, I was convinced my prayer to find the right kosen rufu partner who can advance valiantly with me was realized!
Everyone has a dark secret deep inside. I once hesitated before opening up about my shameful past but I know by not admitting one’s mistake, it does not mean it did not happen. Only by summoning true courage, will we be able to gain victory over our past. Through my testimonial, I hope to encourage all parents who faced difficult children like me. Never give up on your children no matter what! Despite a wrong turn in life, every child like me is a precious Boddhisattva of the earth. With patience and guidance coupled with sincere daimoku, they will definitely return on the correct path.
Looking at the satisfaction looks on my mother’s face, I wish to say, “Mum, I am sorry to have let you suffer for so long.” At the same time, I would like to say, “Thank you! Thank you for believing in me and accommodating me all these years”
Winter always turns to spring. A bright and hope-filled path lies ahead of me and a new phase of my life journey is awaiting to be unfolded.
[Cosmic, January 2016]
Translation Disclaimer: The original testimonial is in the Chinese Language. It has been translated to the English Language for our readers’ convenience. Reasonable efforts have been made to provide an accurate translation, however the editorial team acknowledged that the translation may not be perfect to the author’s original and seeks our readers understanding. Please note that all guidance and quotes are loosely translated.
(编辑注释: 以上是中英翻译，原版如下.)
雨过，天晴
刘文中
台湾
成长犹如新生，往往伴随阵痛，或许唯有经历曲折，才能让成长找到方向。
阿嬷和煦的慈颜，合掌虔诚祈念的背影，是我童年记忆的烙印。阿嬷在妈妈的折伏下，勤励信心，总是无时无刻地唱念题目，耳濡目染，四五岁时，我学会了勤行，顺理成章地沿着未来部、中学部的轨道成长。
身为老么，父母疼爱，两个姐姐也细心呵护，小时候圆圆滚滚，大家都说我很可爱，到了中学，却成了好欺负的标签。
中学二年级某天，在校园的角落，一群身材高大的男生迎面而来，迅速将我围在中间，“同学，有钱吗？”我不知所措地摇摇头，随后外套、衣服被翻遍，“记得明天开始带钱在身上!”烙下狠话，扬长而去。
从那天起，“很好欺负”的名声传了开来，愈来愈多人看到我而不捉弄好像对不起自己似地，推挤、勒索、语言暴力如刀，一道道射中我的身体，插入内心，在恐惧下，偷窃、说谎成了我的本能。
丑恶，会在人心深处划下伤口。我不甘于长期被压制，决心反抗，与一群小混混结党，胡作非为，前进的方向逐渐偏差，高中之后，脱出了轨道，不再回头。
荒唐的青春
在那段茫然冲撞的岁月，平静的家因为爸爸事业失败，债台高筑，翻天覆地。每天都有人到家中讨债，我们不得不搬家躲债。爸妈无暇他顾，我和朋友们流连泡沬红茶和撞球间，不知天高地厚。一天，我落了单，遭仇家们围殴，浑身是伤。下次轮到对方落单，换我讨回公道，以牙还牙，没有终了。
高二时，因为数度偷窃，被送进感化院两年四个月。感化院采军事化训练，却压抑不住少年们桀骛不驯的野性，趁老师们不注意，就会惹是生非，我经常遭到围殴，为此努力锻炼体魄，遇到挑衅，绝不示弱，拼命反击。
2001年，感化期结束，完成了高二学业，也取得配线丙级执照。年方19，却觉得自己无所不能，想赚快饯走偏门，当了地下钱庄的催收员，脚上刺音，爆戾恣睢，跟着道上兄弟四处讨债，恐吓威胁。
一年后，与几个朋友合资，开设赌场，放高利贷，20岁就买进第一部BMW汽车，身后跟着一大群小弟。
当我自得意满地捧着100万现金到妈妈面前，表达孝意时，妈妈却说：“我不收这些没福运的钱！”
看着她严肃的神情， 一股莫名的焦躁涌上心头，说：“妈，现在的我可以用八个字来形容，那就是‘投机取巧，心术不正’，别再劝我回头了!”
赌场的规模愈做愈大，心愈来愈贪，从一家扩展到三家，志得意满。俗话说：“祸囚恶积”，坏事做多了，迟早惹祸上身，2006年，赌客持枪抢劫，我是屋主，知情不报，视为共犯。
妈妈接到电话，走进警察局时，看到桌上放着两把抢，前方写着刘文中、某某等三人，满脸不可置信。走到我面前，问着：“是你的吗？”我坚决否认，但百口莫辩，加上有不良前科，难以脱身。
交保后，髙中同学找我到中坜报考科技大学，趁此机会搬离家里，购屋置产，并开设第四家賭场。24岁时，买了两辆BMW，手下有四五十人，家中还养了六个小弟，当贴身保镖兼讨债员工。
很快地，一审宣判结果，因犯下加重強盗罪，判刑七年。我正值人生黄金期，怎么甘心在狱中度过？于是找來律师办理上诉，遭到驳回，不服再上诉，改判七年四个月，丁是再上诉，又遭驳回，我不肯放弃，进行非常上诉。
官司打了两年，气数尽失，呆帐愈來愈多，赌场一家家关，加上小弟们染上毒瘾，我再也无力管教和供应，压力大得我喘不过气。
一天，开车回家，看着妈妈跪坐佛坛前，深深祈念的孤单背影，悔恨像刺刀扎进心脏，鲜血在胸腔里飞溅，刺痛难忍。
妈妈把所有美好的年华都给了这个家，为我不知操碎了多少心。我从来不知道惜福，总以为妈妈会一直在身后，给我温暖与力量，包容我的肆意妄为。这一刻，领受到妈妈肩上承担着的，是高额债务、爸爸轻生未遂，百病缠身，加上我的顽劣不羁，多么沉重！
2008年9月，结束一切，身心俱疲地回到家里。此后跟着妈妈，参加座谈会，立下百万遍题目目标，一天唱题八至十小时，而且不管任何使命，来者不拒，担任座谈会司仪，参加创价班，接下新划分的丽湖地区男子部长，全力挑战。我拼命再拼命，因为后退已经没有路，只能笔直地往前冲。
一年后，指挥书送达，维持原判，刑期七年四个月。
该来的，必然会来，这一年学会活动的磨练，让我明白：生命没有覆辙，既然是自己的过错，就必须坦然接受。27岁，青春正好，时光未老，不应该畏畏缩缩，安然面对，就能过得踏实与安心。
重新出发
2009年8月7日，投入中学部欢乐成长营幕后工作，8月10日前往台北看守所报到。两个星期后，从台北监狱移往全台湾管理最为严密的台南监狱。舍房14人中，七人是无期徒刑的重刑犯，其他人的刑期也长达十年，我算是最幸运的了。
入监时，我没带任何日用品，只有《教学研习》《给新朋友》《佛法教学基础》等十本书陪伴。曰曰早晚的勤行唱题，休息时刻，认真阅读学会书籍，不懂的地方，一遍又一遍地读着，最后背熟了好几篇御书。
在狱中，难免遇到不讲理的人，我忍耐着，从不还手，因为我知道自己的价值比这里的任何人都重要，绝对不能因为一时的冲动而违规，导致多留一年半载。
这段期间，不仅妈妈和姐姐，还有青年部前辈国宾大哥和丽湖地区女子部长阙雅馨大老远跑来探监，给了我莫大的鼓励和勇气。
妈妈每个月都会寄来学会书籍，当我看到户田先生在狱中写下的日记：“抱持坚定的信念奋战，即使身处恶世，亦不为恶所染，宿命也能转换。”感动良深，更勤励信心，也展开了佛法对话。
一年后，升任文书杂役，主管相当严苛，却是我的诸天，同意我申请的外役服刑，于是，我离开待了两年的台南监狱，移往花莲外役蓝狱，当时受刑人约十万人，服外监役的不到一千人，这百分之一的机会，是平日题目累积的功徳啊！
外役监的受刑人都是罪刑较轻者，花莲好山好水，我负责养牛，就像在农场工作，心悄非常愉快。而且每三个月可以返家探视两天，这么一来，学会活动就不会脱节了。
每个受训人的背后都有着不为人知的生命历程，磨掉了我少年得志，猖狂自大的傲慢。由于家里的经济困窘，无法寄给我生活费，我只能自力救济，靠着帮人洗碗和洗衣服，嫌取微薄的报酬。
洗碗的费用开价每人每月200元，前三个月的月薪大约三千元，放假回家时，我请妈妈到会馆供养1000元。由于工作认真，服务周到，笫六个月客源扩人到25人，月薪提高到5000元，第九个月更高达8000元。毎一次回家必定拿出1000元供养，报答佛恩。
因为勤劳，身段低，全舍房约一百五十人，洗碗的工作全交给我包办，于是开设洗碗公司、洗衣公司，十个员工都是和我一样经济困顿的受刑人。出狱前，月薪己经达到15000，我想我应该是全台湾赚最多钱的受刑人吧！
创价家族无所不在，那段期间，感谢劲廷大哥和柏菁姐经常前来探视，给予鼓励和指导。2013年7月，狱方通过了我的假释申请，结束了四年的狱中生涯。
开弓没有回头箭，但因为信心，我的人生有了重新开始的机会。这四年可说是一场珍贵的“进修”课程，代价高昂，但有些事若没有亲身经历、体验，是学不会的，也无法深刻领受妙法的功德。
出狱一个礼拜，我就找到月薪30000的工作，而领到薪水的第一件事就是供养，感恩谢德。诚如池田先生所说：“正道即幸福”，过去称兄道弟的朋友一一远离，走近身旁的，都是积极正向、乐观开朗的学会员。
体验到此结朿了吗？当然不是，身为更生人,工作一换再换，面试好几十次，在异样的眼光中，惨遭一次次的拒绝。我已经32岁，一无所有，没作工作、没有女朋友，看不到未来。
这时，妈妈说：“抱怨会减少福运。”二姐夫也鼓励我：“你该烦恼的，不是工作或感情，而是如何广宣流布、照颈部员。“于是，我毫不迟疑地展开行动，热情邀约新朋友参加活动，积极家访和对话，并展开第一次的百万遍题口桃战。
坚持到底是最艰难的挑战，但一念决定胜负。透过更生人保护会的协助，报考职训局中餐班，为期三个月的训练期间，我认真学习，取得丙级中餐厨师执照。
厨师工作几乎都是两班制，而我找工作是以配合学会活动为前提，因此面试几十次，都无法合意。但在坚定的信念下，我找到现在的工作，公司是连锁餐厅，早班上午六点半到下午三点半，月休七天，完全可以配合学会活动，自在广布。
去年六月，在一次聚会上，结识了女友。她爱玩、生活习性不佳，仿佛是另一个过去的我，因此还没交往就带她参加庄谈会。今年3月1曰，在女子部的家访下，她签下了入信卡，现在不仅每个月参加座谈会，还担任青春漾，学会勤行，8月9日敬领御本尊。今年10月，折伏先前找我读大学的同学，他也欹领了御本尊。
8月初，我们以结婚为前提，相约在跨年前唱完百万遍题目，祈求彼此适合对方，成为幸福的广布伴侣。为了达成目标，她曾一天唱题五小时，比我还认真，看来我的祈求目标“一定要有个像我一样勇猛精进的广布伴侣”，巳经出现了。
每个人的心底，都有一块不欲人知的秘密。其实，要说出自己难堪的过往，也曾犹豫。但有些事情不是不提就能抹灭，唯有鼓起莫大的勇气，才能超越过去的自己。更希望透过我的现身说法，鼓励正为孩子苦恼的父母亲：千万别放弃你的孩子！尽管一时走错了路，但他们和我一样，都是尊贵的佛子，只要耐心守护，真心祈愿，一定可以迷途知返。
望着身旁笑得异样满足的妈妈，我想说：“妈妈，对不起，让您辛苦了这么久！同时，还要说一声谢谢，谢谢您这么多年来对我的坚持和包容。”
雨过，必然天晴。未来，是一条充满阳光的大道，而我，周身洒满阳光，已经启程。
[宇宙月刊， 2016年1月］